Vampires Don't Sleep
by Mismatched.Harmony
Summary: Emmett Cullen gets put into Bella's math class. Hilarity is guaranteed when Emmett "falls asleep" in class. slightly crackfic.


**Authors Note: This was just a random story that came to me when I was reading ****51 Things Emmet Cullen Is Not Allowed To Do 2.**** It takes place during Twilight a few weeks after prom. One of the rules was inspired this so thanks to the author, the indifferent child of earth.**

**Chapter 1**

**Bella POV**

The clunk of plaster knocking against the ground with footsteps echoed in the hallway as I hobbled to class. Edward was always there to help me get around, except today. His class after third period was on the complete opposite of the school from mine. There was no time to walk me to my class without being tardy to his. He _could_ get to class on time, no problem at all for a vampire; but running at that speed might raise some questions from the teachers and other students in the halls.

Edward had been late to his class for the past three weeks and his teacher was threatening him with a month's detention. After-school detention cut pretty severely into my time with Edward.

So in a whispered conversation in third period, I managed to convince him to let me just walk, well stagger, to class on my own.

"Edward, just go. I'm not going to die from walking to one class alone. You can't be tardy again."

"Okay, so maybe you won't die, but what if you got hurt. What if you trip, or run into someone, or get hit my and opening door or… ugh. Bella, you don't even understand how guilty and upset I feel about what happened to you in Phoenix. I don't want you any more injured than you already are" he said.

"But you in detention that will only leave us with a half an hour before Charlie comes home." I argued back.

"I would still come over at night. I always do."

"Yeah but I'm asleep for most of that."

He contemplated for a moment.

"Well because of your cast you walk much slower than you normally would. What if I carried you to you math class? You'd be safe and we'd both get to class on time. Problem solved!"

"Edward you're not carrying me to class!" I said much louder than I should have. Most of the kids looked over at our table and the teacher stopped his lecture and gave the two of us a strange look.

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan, is their something wrong?"

With my face bright red I just slid down into my seat.

"No Mr. O'Brien, everything is fine" Edward replied smoothly.

The bell rang, thank god, excusing us from any further questioning. We got our things together and left the room.

"Go to class Edward."

He pursed his lips, "Fine. Just please, for my sake don't have a Bella moment."

I frowned at him, slightly annoyed. "I'll see what I can do!"

I got to math class without a problem. Well I was almost run over by a freshman with a tuba who was racing to get to the music room before the bell. I stumbled when I was trying to get out of his path and fell right into the arms of Mike Newton. He gave me a creepy smile that I think was supposed to be seductive. Mike? Seductive? Just the thought of it made me want to laugh.

Math class was as boring as usual. Mr. Varner droned on and on while most kids either doodled on their notebooks or stared into space.

I longed for something interesting in this monotonous class.

About twenty minutes into class, my wish was answered in the form of an over muscled, dark haired vampire.

"Mr. Varner, just in case you don't know me I'm Emmett Cullen. I was assigned to be your teacher assistant for this period" he handed the teacher a small pink slip from the office.

Mr. Varner looked confused as he read over the paper. He just shrugged it off.

"Alrighty then Mr. Cullen just find a seat and if I have anything for you to do I'll let you know. A seat towards the back would be preferable; I think kids may have a hard time seeing over you."

Emmett just smirked and looked back at what seat choices he had. There were only two options; next to me or Eric. The blood drained from Eric's face when he thought of having to share his desk with the biggest, most menacing (in his eyes) Cullen.

I could almost see the tension leave his shoulders when Emmett made a sharp left and took the seat next to me.

"_Emmett what the hell are you doing here?" _I whispered.

He half turned to face me and put his hand up in a small salute.

"_I'm your official helper for your math class. I'm here to keep you from falling on your face."_

Despite us whispering, the teacher caught us talking. After glaring at the two of us, he continued on with his lesson. Emmett, if possible, looked even more bored than the other students having been through this class so many times before. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him lay his head down on his desk.

About five minutes later I heard a small rumbling sound coming from next to me.

_What is that? _I thought.

I looked over at Emmett to find him…._ asleep?_

What the heck? Vampires can't sleep, they don't even get tired. What was Emmett doing?

"Emmett, Emmett! Stop it. What are you trying to do?" he just continued to 'sleep'.

Whatever, I though, as long as he doesn't disrupt Mr. Varner's class, he should be fine.

Then the snoring started. Emmett's fake snore rivaled Charlie's real one, or a lawnmower at that.

The whole class turned to look over their shoulders at the chainsaw in the seat next to me.

And Mr. Varner's face turned an interesting shade of red to see that someone had fallen asleep in his class.

"Bella!" he barked out, "is Emmet _asleep_?"

I started to stutter under the teacher's bird like glare." Well… I uh um" and on top of that I was just a really bad liar.

"Mmmm, Edward, Bella? Where are you guys?"

My eyes widened in horror. Emmet just spoke. He was 'sleep talking'. Oh lord what was he trying to pull? Knowing Emmet, It was going to be bad, very bad.

"Hey guys? Where-_snore-_ are you?" he was mumbling but it was loud enough for the entire class to hear him perfectly. "Edward? Bell- OH MY GOD! Are you guys really trying to get it on in my room?" His snoring picked up again.

At this point my cheeks weren't red; they'd lost all color what so ever. I could hear simultaneous drop of every jaw in the class. They stared at us with wide eyes either in shock or waiting for more.

"Miss Swan wake Emmet up this instant!"

But he went on.

"Aahg! My eyes!- _snore_- Edward get some pants on! And Bella, what is your bra doing on my ceiling fan?_ Snore."_

Mr. Varner had clearly had enough. The class was in absolute hysterics and I just sank lower and lower into my seat. He marched over to us and began to roughly shake Emmett awake.

"Ooh baby not so hard. Save that for later."

He just stood in shock from what he'd just heard. "Emmett Cullen you wake up this instant!" The teacher practically had steam coming form his ears.

Groggily Emmett opened his eyes.

"Oh hey Mr. V. Oh shoot did I fall asleep? I am so sorry. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I have a terrible problem of sleep talking. Did I say anything?"

He just managed to escape the teacher's rage. The bell rang and saved him from punishment.

I just got out of there as quickly as possible; Emmet following me. Edward was waiting for me outside of the class. He looked absolutely furious with Emmet.

He pulled me into a hug." I heard everything." He murmured in my ear.

"So Bells, see you tomorrow in class." He wore a smug smile so big that it showed off his dimples.

Edward growled at his brother. "Never again Emmet."

As we were walking away I swore that I heard him mumble to himself, "Well it seems that we have a new rule for Emmet's list."

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